New Year resolutions for Hawkeyes
We'd like to see these stretch goals achieved as Iowa fans.
New Year’s resolutions have been a mixed bag for me at best over the years.
I’ve suffered the cliché failure to eat better and get more exercise multiple times. I managed to “be nicer to people on social media” for nearly three weeks once, which was a minor miracle. I actually did get a new bike and commuted on it for the entirety of 2023, only to start working from home (I do count this as one of the rare wins).
That said, the exercise itself is helpful, if for no other reason than to identify stretch goals one can pursue.
With that in mind, I’d like to propose some 2026 resolutions for Hawkeye fans, teams, coaches, and individuals.
The Iowa football team wrapped up a successful—very close to great—2025 campaign with an exciting bowl win over Vanderbilt, so let’s start with them.
FOOTBALL
Kirk Ferentz: Cede even more control over the slowly improving offense to coordinator Tim Lester, who has demonstrated a tremendous ability to “scratch where it itches,” as your old boss Hayden liked to say. Encourage him to unleash a more aggressive passing attack as the team moves on from the excellent dual-threat Mark Gronowski and put more distance between the Hawkeyes and the service academies in terms of run-to-pass ratio.
Mark Hecklinski and/or Hank Brown: Don’t just win the future battle to be QB1—dominate it. Both guys are intriguing, but we will all feel much better about the upcoming season if one emerges as the clear alpha with the confidence of his teammates and coaches.
Tyler Barnes: Find a killer defensive lineman, hopefully a rush edge, in the portal. Diamonds in the rough from the FCS are fine, as long as they can boost what was at times a fairly anemic (for a Phil Parker defense) pass rush.
Whole team: Beat. Iowa. State. Seriously, little brother needs a spanking in the worst way, and with the program’s best-ever coach having bolted for Penn State, now is the time to put belt to butt.
MEN’S BASKETBALL
Fans: Forget the frustrating past. Don’t dwell on the failings of Lickliter and Alford. Forget the “not quite good enough” averageness of Fran McCaffery. The time for jumping on the Ben McCollum bandwagon and filling Carver with passion and intensity is now. You can help accelerate the pace of the rebuild by making Carver a true home-court advantage. Do it.
Connor McCaffery: Move on, son. You have a bright basketball future ahead of you. Taking social media potshots at the school that gave your dad millions—and you a scholarship—is a bad look.
Bennett Stirtz: Just keep doing you. No notes for improvement. Unless there is some miraculous way of finding another year of eligibility.
Jess Settles: Retire the word “phenomenal.” I enjoy your basketball commentary a great deal, love the farming talk and jabs at Mike Hall, but mix in a few other adjectives. Some options: outstanding, superb, stellar, sensational. Mix it up, my man!
Gary Dolphin: Try to remember to give the score at least once every 15 minutes.
WOMEN’S BASKETBALL
Hannah Stuelke: Breathe. When you catch the ball on the block around the rim, take a half-beat and gather yourself. You are far, far too good at this game to blow so many layups. Be confident!
Addie Deal: Forget recruiting hype and let the game come to you. Block out the noise of “fans” who are upset you aren’t already dominating. Just concentrate on getting better each day.
PA announcer: Maybe take it down half a notch? Love the enthusiasm, but the intensity is a bit homerific.
Big Ten officiating: Just be better. Full stop.
Overall, Iowa athletics is in a strong position as we embark on a new year. Both basketball teams are ranked and trending in the right direction. Football got the monkey of no ranked wins off its back and is putting together a strong recruiting class. The volleyball team has notched a few more wins and pulled itself out of the Big Ten basement. Baseball has strong leadership and some lively arms. And wrestling hasn’t completely imploded.
As Larry David would say, “Pretty, pretty, pretty good. Pretty good.”
Nail some of these resolutions, and the Hawkeyes can go from good to great!
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